Monday, April 14, 2014


I come out of the Doctors office after hearing all the good and the ugly of this surgery, scared out of my wits, but knowing I have to just saddle this horse and go for the ride. What is the first song that come on the radio as I start the car. Fozen's Let it Go....I thank the lord for giving me a sign!!! Still don't breathing, but I am believing now!!

After the surgery a new theme song will be added to my life. Ps. do you see a pattern with winter...LOL!!

 Don't be the rule be the exception

Even when I was actually thin, I always thought I was fat. Specially in high school. 
 I have been waiting for this next week for 6 month's, you think I would be prepared for this. I am so excited to have my life back and scared at the same time. Why am I scared? I think it is just the unknowing. I can't imagine myself thin and healthy. More then half my life I was but I can't remember what it was like. Stupid I know. Maybe after talking to the hospital today, it will put me at easy with the surgery and then everything else should calm down. PLEASE!!!! I really want the next journey to begin, because it looks like it is going to be amazing!!!!

 I believe that right now is the start of my quantum moment, when my past is going to meet my future, that every thing has been built for this next step in my life, I have been guided and taught for what is about to happen in this new journey. New me, new career and new beginnings. You wonder why things happen, well I think I am about to see why everything has happens thus far.

  I have embraced all the changes that have been coming my way and I am loving every aspect of it. I was afraid of surgery because of the anesthesiologist of the last surgery, big scare!! Even after going to the hospital and talking to the new one, I was still if not more scared then when I went in. After I left and I was driving home it hit me. Nothing could be worse then what I have been living for the past 10 years. This is hell, not the operation. I have been given a path to a new journey that will join the journey I have been on for the past 4 years and I am going to embrace it with everything I have.

I am sure this sounds like a bunch of rambling, but they are thought that keep going through my head.  

Tomorrow is my surgery and I know I want whats coming my way. I am looking at all the wonderful things I am going to gain.  I have dreams and desires I have yet to fulfill. I have given my all to my kids for the past 25 years and now I want to enjoy all the things I have been craving to do. 

Everyone believes I am taking the easy way out, but there is no easy way out of this hell. What I have to go through to succeed most people would not be willing to do. I have too have so much dedication to make this work, specially because I don't want to get sick. What they describe happens to people is not something I want to experience. As I sit here writing this I am getting dizzy just thinking about it.

I am ready for my life to start a new journey and live it up!!

Sorry if this sounds so off the cuff and rambling, but that is where my head is right now.