Thursday, May 15, 2014

Time to Readjust


I am now into my 4th week and have lost 36 lbs. very excited to be getting back to the me I remember, the one I feel I am until I look into the mirror. I cant wait until I can say mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all and the me I remember looks back at me. Maybe she will be a little bit older, but she will be wiser and know that she is beautiful. I always use to believe people when they said I was fat, because I was not the size 1. Well no more, I look back and now think I was just gorgous the way I was and if I would have believed it my self, I would have rocked what I had. This time I am much wiser and will not allow any fool to make me think I am any thing but fantastically beautiful.

In the mean time I am going though some transitions I never thought I would experience. The worst is the gas. I have been reading up on it and everyone claims it is because of the amount of protein I have to eat, but if you ask me that is BS, I seem to get gas no matter what I eat. I don't mean to sound gross but the smell is enough to gage the bravest of souls. I am sometimes am afraid to go any where for to long because of it. All the information I have read on it claims it will go away after about 8 months. It is because the body has to readjust to the small stomach area and reestablish the amount of acids it requires. Well I will not be able to stand myself or go to work with that lingering over my head. Just to give you an example of how bad this really is;  again it is not just me but everyone else who has to go through this. I was laying on the couch the other day and the dog at my feet. With out warning like usual gas is released, it always surprises me for the most part, but the dog looked at me shook her head got up off the couch and walked away. As she walked away she looked back at me as if to say, "My god woman, I am a dog and I can't even stand that!!". I laugh now, but it made me realize at that moment how the hell am I going to go to work with this problem.

In my research I have found a couple of different things that are suppose to help with this and the smell. It is a deodorizer for your inners. One is called Devrom and the other is Chlorophyll liquid which is rather expensive. Devrom is hard to find, but CVS said they would order it for me, I sure hope it works. It is suppose to deodorize the smell before it leaves you body. The two of them claim to have a spearmint smell, so if my farts come out smelling like gum, I think that would freak me out too. So I guess I should by gum while I am at the store, so no one suspects anything. Thank the lord I can laugh at myself, because right now would be rather humiliating. I am always ready for a good laugh even at my expense.

Because I can only eat less then a half a cup of food at a meal, I have to choose very carefully to get something I really want, because if I eat more then I should I get what they call a dumping syndrome, where you either throw up or it comes out the other end very unpleasantly with much pain prior too. I have experienced both when I first started eating in the hospital and I will pass  on either one again.  Actually I take that back, the other day I eat one bit too much and I could feel it in my throat, very annoying, like a lump that would not go away, I keep trying to swallow and it just made it worse. I ended up running to bathroom, because I tried to use water to make it go down, well it decide to come up instead. So when people tell me I took the easy way out, I am here to tell you other wise, this is much harder.

You always hear people say they could live off a certain food, I myself use to say things like that. I love egg drop soup so much I thought I could live off it, well I am telling you that is farthest from the truth. After having liquids, Jello and Popsicles for three weeks straight with egg drop being my go too. I can't even look at egg drop soup right now!! Or Jello for that matter. People keep telling me it was not big deal and they could do it, I said the same before I went though it. Yes I did it, but to have broth for breakfast lunch and dinner was not appealing, it got to the point I would rather not eat then to eat another bite of broth. I have really learned to appreciate variety.

I now attend a support group that my doctor has set up for his patients once a month, I really enjoy going and hearing the stories and other peoples situations and how they work through them. Except for one girl who talks though the whole meeting and once she gets started she never shuts up and treats the meeting like her personal therapy session. I finally got in the question about being tired and having no energy after periods of energy coming out my ears. Which I love, I hate the no energy issues, I hate being unproductive. I was told that it is expected for me to be tired, because I had major surgery and that my body is not use to eating so little and that it is a readjustment to the change. I laughed and told them, "hell there is no way my body is tired from not having food, because with this body there is enough to eat from then a grand buffet." I crack myself up sometimes.

Well on that note, I need to go and get cleaned up because I am taking my son to, to take his ASFAB test today. Things are always changing around here lately. I just need to learn to readjust to them growing up and leaving home. Another very hard thing for me.